Just thinking...

Where is the line between being too selfish and being a martyr? I’m sure that we all know people that fit into both categories. On one hand, you have the individuals who are completely self-absorbed. Life revolves around them and what they have going on. When you ask them how their day is, you should be prepared to spend the next fifteen minutes listening to them talk about their problems. They never once ask you anything about you, and you leave the conversation wondering what just happened. On the other end of the spectrum, you have people who martyr themselves for others. They NEVER put themselves first, even if it means they are unhappy, miserable, and stressed out. They are the people that everyone calls because they will always answer, they will always listen, and they will always help out.

Selfish people LOVE martyrs! They love the fact that with that particular person, it’s always about them. They love knowing that the martyr will always be around, will always answer the phone, and will always put others happiness before their own. They take advantage of that person. What’s crazy is that the martyr knows they are being taken advantage of! They know it, but they don’t do anything about it!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve been struggling with how selfish people can be. I always feel like I try to be a good friend, and I try to be there for others. I genuinely want to hear what is going on in the lives of others, and I want to help them. I’m amazed at the number of people that don’t give that back. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I should not have such high expectations for my friends. I have found that once you get into the pattern of giving, others naturally expect it. Once you get into the habit of listening, that’s the only thing that a friend wants you to do.

I’m definitely not a martyr, but I see it happening around me. It is tough to see friends that give to others and have others walk over them. As much as you can tell that person, they need to quit being a martyr, they just can’t stop. Maybe it is a personality thing. Who knows?

I am beginning to believe that graduate students are naturally predisposed to being selfish. I’m the same way to an extent, but it is challenging to be around so many with that characteristic. I’ve never been surrounded by so many that are so self-absorbed.

What it boils down to is that I’m learning a lot about myself with this experience and the people I am around. I might not be learning about the type of person I want to be, but I am learning a lot about the type of person I DO NOT want to be.