Why NOT me?

“Why me?” I’ve heard many people utter these two simple words in regards to a variety of issues. Whether it was work related, centered around a failed relationship, or dealing with tragedy, I think asking “why me” is a natural reaction for many. Lately, though, I’ve been thinking the exact opposite. “Why NOT me?”

About a week ago, I participated in Relay for Life. I’ve had never actually attended an event before, but it was inspiring. Prior to the event beginning, we had the opportunity to hear from both cancer survivors and family members of those who died of cancer. Their stories were moving. While they were speaking, I kept wondering why not me? Why have I not been directly impacted by a disease that 1 in 3 Americans will have? That thought lead to another. Why have I been so blessed, so fortunate? What have I done to deserve such a wonderful life? I immediately began to pray, and I couldn’t help but thank God for the blessings He’s given me.

The same emotions overtook me two days later at church. Why NOT me? My life has been incredibly rewarding and wonderful, and I’m left to wonder why haven’t been faced with many of the trials and challenges that many others have? I know it seems like a strange thing to think about, but thinking about that question allows me to ponder how I live my life. I’m a person that believes that our paths are pre-determined. I believe that, ultimately, God has determined that path for me. That’s a scary thought, but it is the thought that sustains me and give me peace of mind when I’m scared and questioning everything around me.

I’m a lucky man. Maybe blessed is a more appropriate word. But I get the message. I promise that I’ll do my best to take advantage of the life I’ve been given, I’ll continue to work my hardest, and continue to never take one moment for granted. I get it.

Just thinking...

Where is the line between being too selfish and being a martyr? I’m sure that we all know people that fit into both categories. On one hand, you have the individuals who are completely self-absorbed. Life revolves around them and what they have going on. When you ask them how their day is, you should be prepared to spend the next fifteen minutes listening to them talk about their problems. They never once ask you anything about you, and you leave the conversation wondering what just happened. On the other end of the spectrum, you have people who martyr themselves for others. They NEVER put themselves first, even if it means they are unhappy, miserable, and stressed out. They are the people that everyone calls because they will always answer, they will always listen, and they will always help out.

Selfish people LOVE martyrs! They love the fact that with that particular person, it’s always about them. They love knowing that the martyr will always be around, will always answer the phone, and will always put others happiness before their own. They take advantage of that person. What’s crazy is that the martyr knows they are being taken advantage of! They know it, but they don’t do anything about it!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve been struggling with how selfish people can be. I always feel like I try to be a good friend, and I try to be there for others. I genuinely want to hear what is going on in the lives of others, and I want to help them. I’m amazed at the number of people that don’t give that back. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I should not have such high expectations for my friends. I have found that once you get into the pattern of giving, others naturally expect it. Once you get into the habit of listening, that’s the only thing that a friend wants you to do.

I’m definitely not a martyr, but I see it happening around me. It is tough to see friends that give to others and have others walk over them. As much as you can tell that person, they need to quit being a martyr, they just can’t stop. Maybe it is a personality thing. Who knows?

I am beginning to believe that graduate students are naturally predisposed to being selfish. I’m the same way to an extent, but it is challenging to be around so many with that characteristic. I’ve never been surrounded by so many that are so self-absorbed.

What it boils down to is that I’m learning a lot about myself with this experience and the people I am around. I might not be learning about the type of person I want to be, but I am learning a lot about the type of person I DO NOT want to be.

Finally, time to blog.

It’s official. I do not like winter. I do not like snow. The older that I’ve gotten, the more I feel the cold. That probably won’t make sense to many, but if you’ve ever found yourself walking across the Virginia Tech drill field facing a bitter north wind, you know what I’m talking about. Unfortunately the winter weather has put a damper on our fun road trip back to Blacksburg. We’ll get there eventually, and hopefully we’ll still be able to see some friends along the way.

The time away from Blacksburg was needed. The end of the semester is extremely chaotic, and the past fall was challenging. Needless to say, I felt more confident in myself this past semester. Yet at the same time, there were moments when I felt inadequate, incompetent, and, for lack of a better word, dumb. I tell myself that it’s all part of the process and that all Ph.D. students feel this way at some point. I am also not being naïve, I know that I’ll feel that way many more times before it’s all said and done. I’ll make it. This I know.

With that being said, I’m looking forward to 2010. This will be a challenging spring, but I am trying to face with optimism and intensity. It’s exciting to think that in a year, I will hopefully be looking for a job, a house, and the opportunities my degree will bring. Those optimistic thoughts sustain me in my moments of doubt.

Like I’ve done in the past, here are some things that I learned (or were reminded of) in 2009:

• I actually enjoy research.
• If you are uncomfortable in a situation, don’t put yourself in it.
• Negativity breeds negativity.
• Sometimes friendships change.
• Weeds is a pretty good show. Okay, I love it!
• Tragedies still cut deep, even two years later.
• I am fascinated by Middle Eastern culture.
• Sometimes people that claim to be open-minded are the most closed-minded.
• Being a Republican doesn’t mean you are conservative.
• Becoming a teacher was the best thing that ever happened to me.
• People in Kuwait wear too much perfume/cologne.
• I don’t give myself enough credit.
• Although I’m confident about many things, I still have self-doubt about other things.
• Going to church rejuvenates me and sets the tone for my week.
• Sitting at a desk and cubicle is not what I was meant to do.
• I love working with pre-service teachers!
• Audio books aren’t that bad.
• It’s tough to leave the office at the office, but sometimes you just have to.
• I am on Facebook too much. I should suspend my account during my preliminary exams.
• I talk a lot and to fill the silence, I talk some more.
• When you hang with your true friends, nothing has changed.
• Faith and hope are what I cling to each and every day.

With that, I do have some goals for 2010. They include:

• Successfully passing my written and oral preliminary exams
• Standing up for people that are being talked badly about in the office
• Quit biting my nails
• Becoming closer to God
• Staying in good shape
• Reading one book per month for pleasure
• Being on track to graduate in May 2011
• Getting published in a journal
• Counter people’s negativity with my positivity
• Be myself 100% of the time
• Not let fear stand in my way of anything.

Here’s wishing each of you the best in 2010! May all of your hopes and dreams come true!

Perspective.

I've not blogged since my return home. I guess I've learned that when you spend most of your day writing or at the computer, the last thing you consider doing is more writing. Even so, since I've been back in Blacksburg, I've thought much about perspective.

We all handle situations and challenges differently. Some people choose to get mad. Others need to talk. Others will write or perhaps get in a great workout or run. No matter how we choose to handle the challenges we face, so much of who we are relates to the perspective in which we view the situation.

I'm not going to lie, graduate school is tough. This experience has been much tougher than I expected. I've have learned a great deal through this process, and it's not even half over. I've faced some set-backs, been burnt in the process, and have become somewhat of a cynic. BUT...through it all, I feel blessed. Even after the worst day possible, there are moments where I feel so full and lucky. Again, it's about perspective in which I view these situations.

During my time working at ACHS, our school and community dealt with a number of tragedies. Those experiences taught me a lot about perspective. What it boils down to is that my life is pretty good. I'm healthy. My family is healthy. I have great friends, and now I have the chance to pursue my passions in graduate school. Yes, things might get me down, but I'll never take the life I live for granted. LIFE IS GOOD!

I guess I felt compelled to write simply because it's been on my heart. After learning of the death of another Ark City youth this past week, I felt like we all needed a reminder to keep everything in perspective. I'll listen to your woes, I'll offer you advice, and I'll try to help you get through your struggles. But, keep it in perspective. The life we lead is pretty damned good.

Bob, Reatha, and Jacey...you're in my prayers. Tyler, thank you for your service. I wish there were more selfless people in the world like yourself. You made the ultimate sacrifice.

Coming to America.

Finally.  After 65 days, we will be leaving Kuwait tomorrow.  When I think about it, nine weeks isn’t an incredibly long period of time.  Even so, I’m looking forward to getting back to my reality.  I think Emily summed it up best:  “If you want to find a way to get excited about school starting, spend the summer in Kuwait.”  Well said my friend.  Well said. 

I told everyone my decision to come to Kuwait was mainly professional.  I mean, I had to find a way to sell my family on the idea.  Yes, I hope this experience will help me professionally, but the experience has become very personal as well.  I’ve been able to experience a part of the world that normally I wouldn’t have.  I am leaving with a greater sense of self, a greater sense of the world, and a greater sense of an entirely different culture.  But, will I miss Kuwait?  In the words of Bon Qui Qui, “don’t get crazy.”

Final week of class

After my “pep talk,” the girls were much better at being on time.  In fact, we were even able to start class yesterday, TWO MINUTES early!  Talk about a feeling of accomplishment!  Sometimes, it’s the small victories that we can relish. 

Because of our flight schedule, we were forced to cover the content in 16 days.  Needless to say, it was tough.  There is a large part of me that feels very guilty.  I’m aware that my teaching performance was less than stellar.  The combination of the term length and student attitudes affected my teaching.  I tried my best, and I hope that my students learned something during the course. 

The third presentations (collaborative presentation) were very good.  The groups did a great job researching and presenting their topics.  The class selected gergean (the Ramadan version of Halloween), geisha, and Failaka Island (an Island off of Kuwait).  I was impressed with the girls’ ability to work together to create engaging and informative presentations. 

Their final presentations (persuasive) were yesterday, and I was not nearly as impressed.  The topics varied (benefits of exercise, using marijuana as medicine, death penalty, dangers of plastic surgery, the benefits of early marriage, etc), but again, I noticed that most students lacked specific evidence to support their claims.  I am left to wonder if it’s a cultural issue or a laziness issue.  Is it because they have been raised to not question authority?  I know that I’ll not find the answer to that question in my remaining time here.

The students here are much different than students in America.  The culture of the university is also very different.  This experience taught me valuable lessons about international higher education, and it has also made me thankful for my students at Virginia Tech. 

Here are some pictures of the AUK campus…

The view after one of the entrances to campus.  AUK is a gated campus, and in order to enter, you have to show proper identification.

Another view of the landscape on campus

Yes, they have a Mac store on campus.  

The Liberal Arts building is where my office was located and where my class was held.

The Final Countdown

The remainder of today and tomorrow will be about logistics.  Today, we are going to exchange our Kuwaiti Dinar into dollars, and we’ll have dinner on the town.  Tomorrow will be about packing, cleaning, and checking out of our apartments.  Our taxi is scheduled to pick us up around 6pm, inshallah.  We depart Kuwait at 8:55 p.m. and travel through Bahrain, Amsterdam, and Atlanta.  We are scheduled to arrive in Roanoke at approximately 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday.

The past two weeks have gone quickly, but also slowly.  Weeks tend to go fast, and the weekends drag!  Talk about a contrasting view of reality!  This past weekend, Jill and I went to see the Fires of Kuwait in the IMAX Theater.  I was very glad we decided to see it.  It gave a first-hand look at the destruction that occurred in the Kuwaiti oil fields after the Iraqi invasion.  As part of Saddam’s plan to destroy Kuwait, they lit most of the oil wells on fire.  After the invasion, many thought it would take up to five years to stop the fires.  With assistance from crews around the world, the fires were contained in nine months.  I can’t imagine witnessing such a tragedy. 

Seeing this movie made me appreciate the Kuwaiti resilience after the invasion.   The invasion occurred nearly twenty years ago, and I believe the country has done a remarkable job rebuilding.  At the same time, there are still many reminders of the invasion.  Directly across from campus, there remains a bombed out area.  Why?  There are many shops in downtown Salmiya that remain destroyed.  Why?  Again, that is probably not a question I can answer.

This building is located directly across campus.  It's a visible reminder of Kuwait's past

As we leave Kuwait, many ask if we will come back.  My immediate response is no, but I remind myself to never say never.  I can let you know that if are you looking for happening places in the Middle East, you might look outside of Kuwait. 

The final items of interest.

Dunkin’ Donuts.  It didn’t happen.  I did learn that there is a new Dunkin’ Donuts in Blacksburg.  I think I might have to try it out.  I hope that Amy lets me know when the one on Amman Street finally opens up.

Starbucks.  My original plan was to visit Starbucks on Sundays and Thursdays.  The past couple of weeks, it was more than two days.  It never got out of hand, but I was there enough for them to know my drink and my name.  I told Jill yesterday, for me, Starbucks was where I could go and feel like I was back home.  It was familiar and comfortable and provided a great place for people watching.  I’ll definitely miss Francis and the crew, but I’m already making plans for my visit venti Iced Coffee in the ‘Burg.

Normality.  It’s hard to believe that once we get back, we have less than five days to readjust before we begin classes.  There are many things that I am looking forward to doing once I get back to the states.  At the top of the list are driving my Jeep, doing laundry, and being able to sit outside while having drinks with friends.  Let the madness begin!

Blogging.  I’m always surprised that people actually read and enjoy reading my blogs.  I’ve definitely found it a valuable way to document my time here in Kuwait.  Will I continue?  I’m sure I will, but I don’t feel like my life in Blacksburg will require such frequent entries.  I’ll do my best!

Lesson Learned

“A little understanding.  A little sensitivity.  A little open-mindedness.  A little empathy.”

Today in class, the example speech provided listeners with this very clear message.  As the speaker offered a view of his perspective between despair and hope, I found myself reflecting upon my summer and the personal struggles that I have faced.

This experience has been a blessing in many ways.  I have learned a great deal about myself, and I’ve also learned a great deal about others.  I’ve learned that, quite often, I allow self-doubt to control me.  I’ve learned that sometimes people only want to see one side of a situation. I’ve learned that just because something is different and makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t make it a bad thing.  I’ve learned that I sometimes allow others viewpoints to affect my ability to be myself.  I’ve learned that I am more liberal and open-minded than I give myself credit for.  I appreciate the challenges this experience has provided me, both professionally and personally.  I have grown so much this summer.

Please do not read into any of my personal revelations.  They aren’t about people.  They are about situations.  They are a result of my reflection and prayer.  They are about me.

Last night, I found myself facing another personal growth opportunity.  I decided to appear “visible” on Facebook chat.  I dislike doing this particularly because you can’t “hide.”  I am sure that most of you can relate to what I’m talking about.  Anyways…soon I received a message from an old acquaintance that inquired about my summer.  The conversation began very innocently, but the tone changed as this individual began to make references towards Muslims.

  I’m sure you can imagine the stereotypical references that were made.  I was highly offended!  I won’t go into details, but I can tell you the conversation ended when I said that I did not need (nor want) people in my life that were prejudice and not willing to learn from those that are different. 

“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about”

That conversation forced further reflection, and I began to recall times in my life when I’ve might have been ignorant.  Did I seek information in order to make my decision?    Did I base my viewpoint solely on emotion?  Was I willing to see both sides of the situation?  Did I suspend judgment or not?  What was the result?

My “friend” on Facebook reminded me that life is about challenging myself (and others) to keep an open mind before judgment is passed.  Even though the conversation ended a relationship, I am thankful for the lesson I learned in the process.  I am left to wonder if each of us exhibited a little more understanding, a little more sensitivity, a little more open-mindedness, and a little more empathy, how much happier we all might be.

Frustrated. 

For lack of a better word, class has been frustrating.  Besides simply being forced to “cover” material, I have been very frustrated with my students.  I was at my wits end last week.

Class begins promptly at 10:15 a.m.  Last Tuesday at 10:14, there were three students present.  The others casually stroll in between 10:16 and 10:25.  No apologies.  No excuses.  Those that know me know that one of my greatest pet peeves is being late.  In my world, lateness is neither tolerated nor accepted.  The kicker was that we also began class with a quiz that day.  Who comes late to the class on the day of a quiz?  I was floored.

I probably allowed my emotions to control me at that point.  I reemphasized the importance of time.  I shared my frustrations and the lack of respect that being late communicates, towards the class and myself.  I also reminded them this is a university course, and I would not tolerate such behavior.  I felt as if I was talking to my first hour freshman back in Ark City. 

I get the impression, that for some students here, school is not a necessity but merely an entitlement.  They are entitled to this degree and to attend this school, and they do not necessarily need the degree.  This is very frustrating to me. 

My dad has always told me the one thing that could never be taken away from a person is their education.  I believe that statement wholeheartedly!  My wish is the same wish that I had when I taught high school…  education is a privilege and a means to better yourself and the world.  I just wish my students would see that.  Education is not an entitlement for a few.  It’s the entitlement for everyone!  Unfortunately, I’m not sure that people here would agree with that. 

To add to my frustration, I had one student miss her presentation this past week.  If you miss a presentation, you get a zero…no questions asked.  Today, she stopped by my office to inquire about her grade, and I informed her that she could still pass the course, but the best grade should would get was a D.  She didn’t take kindly to this information.  She told me that she felt she didn’t deserve a D.  What?  You don’t deserve a D?  Again, I was shocked and immediately became defensive.  I informed her that grades are earned based upon points, and the points do not lie.  I continue to be amazed that some students feel as if they “deserve” a certain grade without putting forth the same effort as others.  Is this a cultural difference?  Is this a Kuwaiti thing?  Is this a campus trend?  I definitely don’t have the answer to that question.

Needless to say, this block has provided new challenges.  I am thankful for the students I have that ARE empowered and involved in their education.  I am also looking forward to returning

to Virginia Tech and working with students there.

On a lighter note…other items of interest.

Dunkin’ Donuts.  Nope.  Still not open, but there’s been activity for each of the past five or six days.  On a side note, I read an article that said the coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts was preferred to

 McDonalds (and their new McCafe) and even Starbucks.  I’ll have to try it someday.

Dust Experiment.  For those of you awaiting the results, I’m sorry to report I’ve given up on the experiment.  I’ll blame it on Emily who sat down on the experimental side of the table.  Okay, she really didn’t ruin it.  I’ve just lost interest.

No more Weeds.  We have completed our three seasons of Weeds.  The good news is that I’ve already Netflixed Season 4.  The first disc should be awaiting me at FAT when I return.

Ready.  I ready to head home.  T-minus nine days until we leave Kuwait.  

Speed Dating

Thursday was officially the best day on campus! Actually, it was a pretty good week. On Sunday, the Office of Student Life provided free ice cream, and then Thursday was Cheesecake Day. Little did we know, that July 30th is “National Cheesecake Day” in the United States. So the Dean of Student Affairs decided to bring the tradition to AUK. Needless to say, we were definitely including this in our daily agenda.

To our surprise, cheesecake day on campus was not just limited to the table outside of Starbucks. You see, the advertisement said cheesecake was being served from noon until 2:00 p.m. But then, we got another email saying it would also be served from 2-4 p.m. How lucky were we?

As we checked out the second location of cheesecake, we soon learned this was slightly different than the first. We walked in and were welcomed to the “speed dating” version of eating cheesecake. Around the room were tables and each table had a different type of cheesecake on it. I never knew there were so many different types of cheesecake. Strawberry. Cherry. Lemon. Caramel. Chocolate. Snickers. Oreo. Blueberry. The goal was to visit each table and leave a comment about the particular type you had just eaten. It was easier said than done. Our excitement and enthusiasm quickly faded after several rounds of cheesecake. I’m not kidding, I ate more cheesecake that day than I had probably in the past five years.

Jill's facial expression illustrates how we felt after consuming our weight in cheesecake.

We were thoroughly impressed with this concept. It was a great way to meet other faculty and get to know others. It was a great day.

First Week of Class
The first week of class was good. The class is smaller, and they do not seem to be as talkative as the first group. They are mildly reserved, but I hope that will change as they get to know more about me.

Their first presentations were also on Thursday, and they were good. On a whole, they were better than the first presentations from the first four-week course. Additionally, as a class their quiz scores were much higher than the first group. I hope the trend continues, and that I see improvement over the next three weeks.

Other Items of Interest
Dunkin’ Donuts. This week, I was asked why I like Dunkin’ Donuts so much. I was honest in my response: I’ve never had Dunkin’ Donuts. So why am I so obsessed? If it were open, I would be there. I can only imagine how great an iced coffee would be on the morning commute.

Peace Out. This week saw the departure of three more new friends. Kevin and Ashley (AUK Student Life interns) left this week. We celebrated with Kevin on Thursday night at the Palm Palace. Our new friend Jeremy left on Saturday. Jeremy is also a student at Virginia Tech. Who would have thought that another VT student was in Kuwait? With these departures, we are reminded that our time here is getting shorter and shorter.

Kuwait Towers. On Saturday, we checked another tourist spot off of our list…the Kuwait Towers. The towers are pretty impressive, and the observation deck provides an amazing view of Kuwait City. Luckily, it was a clear day when we were there. From above, Kuwait City is a pretty amazing city.

The view of the Kuwait towers.

Looking down from the observation deck.

Looking towards downtown Kuwait City--quite an impressive view!

In the tower, they had several pictures displayed showing the tower after the Iraqi invasion. The captions of the pictures are interesting. This one said "The Iraqi invaders made beautiful oasis garden a dead land."

Laundromat. I really haven’t had to go to a Laundromat, but I like to pretend that I have been. Because our washer/dryer still wasn’t fixed, we were given a key to the apartment across the hall so we could do laundry there. Don’t worry, no one lives there. Luckily that only lasted a few days. As of yesterday, our washer/dryer is back and working. Knock on wood.

Life has been pretty uneventful lately. Welcome to life in Kuwait.